Don’t worry and for some of you, don’t be disappointed, but this post is not really about porn, it’s about choices and the life-altering consequences for us and our children when we make bad choices.
Pornography is not a subject I give much thought to, probably from growing up and spending my early adult life in countries where porn was very much an underground and little known activity. Playboy was banned, possession of what were referred to as “Blue Movies” was punishable with huge fines or lengthy jail sentences. Of course, there were no social media, smart phones, digital cameras, video or Internet then. Photographs were taken with cameras using film which had to be developed at a processing facility – generally inside a pharmacy (drug store) and staffed by middle-aged, morally upright ladies. 8mm film was the pre-VHS means of recording generally poor quality and excruciatingly boring home or holiday movies. The same processing and developing constraints tended to act as effective censors.
I had heard of a few people being severely reprimanded for handing in film with innocent images of topless wives / girlfriends to be developed, negatives of those types of images would be destroyed before the tongue lashing, lost forever. There was the Polaroid option for any really determined photographers, and of course there must have been “professionals” with their own photo and film processing studios.
Ironically, this attitude in a part of the world where many native women were completely comfortable topless, deliberately so for some tribal ceremonies and unashamedly breast-fed their babies as and when necessary.
I imagine that other than the legality issue of Playboy and similar magazines or traditional tribal practices, it was an environment much like small town North America in the 60s and 70s.
We all have pre-conceived ideas on why people get into crime, prostitution, the porn industry or any other occupation for that matter. Do all highly compassionate women become nurses and nuns? Do all strong, macho, gun-loving big men with a sadistic streak join the police or the army? Obviously not in either case, and I doubt if many people would seriously believe so. But when it comes to the less savoury occupations, I believe most of us do.
From books, movies, the media and observing life, my own opinion has been that generally women get into prostitution or the porn industry either through sheer desperation, unemployment, kids to feed, an attempt to overcome adversity. Perhaps through manipulation by a person with some power over them, or seduced by the earning potential and perceived glamour of either profession. Those were purely my opinions, no judgement intended.
I had not really considered that most people were in those industries because of choices they made, or their parents had made. Not necessarily choices to do specific things, but choices over a long period that led them down that path.
Huffington Post is far from my normal or preferred flavour of reading, far too liberal for me. But it does have some very interesting articles on a range of subjects. I do believe that for a balanced outlook on life and to increase our knowledge, we should read about opinions and subjects we disagree with or have little interest in. It helps us understand for instance why politicians say and do what they do, why there should be widespread support from ordinary people about same-sex marriage. I am still trying to understand both of those.
As long as I do not allow my blood pressure to be elevated to danger level by the liberal, anti-capitalist, political bias, I scan the email Huffington Post bulletins that arrive 2 or 3 times a day and find some good, thought-provoking stuff.
Yesterday, this headline caught my eye, Why Your Daughter Wants to Be a Porn Star I was not lucky enough to have a daughter, but I do have a sixteen year old granddaughter, whose welfare is on my radar so I felt compelled to read the article. I am glad I did and I would urge you to read it if you have daughters, granddaughters or believe in the importance of good parenting and making the right choices.
The article is written by Jennifer Ketcham, a former porn star. Since leaving the industry, she has obtained a degree in psychology and studied why women enter as well as leave the industry. She identifies 10 key reasons including:
- Permissive parenting.
- Divorce.
- Abuse.
- Unrestricted and excessive TV viewing.
- Unsupervised or controlled smart phone use.
- A spiritual void.
I believe all of those are symptoms of the wave of political correctness that has been sweeping across Western society. It is also about choosing to be a permissive parent, choosing not to establish boundaries for unacceptable behaviour, taking the easy route and buying children the latest technology so they look good in front of their peers.
Interestingly, using the strict definition of prostitution as selling sex for money, she considers participation in the adult entertainment industry as a variation of that activity.
There is more, much more in that article that should be required reading for all new parents.
The author chose to turn her life around, she succeeded where thousands do not, they stay trapped in that lifestyle until age, illness and loss of their looks forces them into something else – perhaps far worse.
That is why we all need to choose to live an extraordinary life, choose to be better parents, choose to be tough with our children when it is necessary to help them avoid the consequences of their own poor choices and show them by example the benefits of making the right choices.
Read the article, it is not at all offensive and it will make you think.
Wishing you an extraordinary life.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Peter this is a powerful statement! It is amazing how being a small ‘l’ liberal parent can lead to not parenting, but friendship that leaves the child without much direction or discipline. Tim
Thank you Tim, discipline is the structure that supports us when things go wrong. An “easy life” as a child is no preparation for overcoming adversity later in life.
This says it all: “I believe all of those are symptoms of the wave of political correctness
that has been sweeping across Western society. It is also about
choosing to be a permissive parent, choosing not to establish boundaries
for unacceptable behaviour, taking the easy route and buying children
the latest technology so they look good in front of their peers.”
Parents have to be parents. I think an entire generation has forgotten that.
It is similar to the most often made mistake of new teachers: You think you can be the student’s friends. It does not take long to see the folly of that idea. And then you have to live the entire year under that cloud ’cause once you lose control you never get it back.
Thank God the second year is with a whole new set of children and you can start over with a new mindset.
Too bad parents can’t do the same.
Great post, Peter.
Thank you Roberta, your comment on new teachers is interesting, I noticed the same problem with newly appointed and poorly prepared officers and NCOs in the military. That is also one of the reasons why the separation of commissioned officers, NCOs and other ranks in traditional military organisation has existed since before the Roman legions.
My children grew up in a different time. They had respect for their parents and others. As little tikes they played with pots and pans. As they got older they played outside and had to be creative and they little forts. We didn’t have the technology and the gadgets that are available today. We are encouraging mindless children. Both my children turned out well. Today the biggest problem is the break down of the family. I have been married for 48 years so both my children have stability in their lives.
A good reminder Arleen, pots, pans, empty cans and cardboard cartons seem to be toys that are enjoyed by children all over the world. A favourite amongst poor children in Africa is a bicycle rim that has lost its tyre and spokes, which can be propelled and steered with a stick.
I’m glad that she added #10. Sometimes, there just are no easy answers. But I don’t see this as a symptom of “political correctness” AT ALL. Quite the opposite, actually. Parents need instill healthy (not baseless, but healthy) self esteem in their children and to monitor media consumption; the knowledge that “sex sells” knows no boundaries of propriety, these days. And little girls with little self-esteem catch on quick. No, the attitudes towards girls and women in the media are NOT “politically correct.”
Holly, I agree with you 100% that the attitudes to girls and women in the media – and still in society at large to some extent are not politically correct. I am referring to the political correctness that makes many parents feel guilty if they discipline their children, (i am not talking about beating them with sticks). The political correctness that lets children misbehave at school and in public with no consequences, the general breakdown in family values and the culture of permissive parenting is my concern.
True. I think overly permissive parenting comes from this notion that you can’t learn on the job and must devour every fad book on parenting that comes down the pike. It also comes from a sense of guilt and fear that if you spank your child or raise your voice to him, you’ll be reported to CPS (not an entirely groundless fear). And permissive schooling is more…well, giving up, in my opinion. Educators are, in many cases, flat-out afraid of kids and/or their parents. In short, I agree that adults (all of them – NOT just the parents) are failing children, and it’s bound to get worse as we all get more fearful of each other. The media plays on that, too.