Maintaining wellness during and after divorce is a little outside my normal range of topics. However, it does fit under the umbrella of overcoming adversity. When Angel Velasquez of Silvernest suggested this post by Sandra Hughes, I thought it might be useful to some of you should you or someone you know be struggling with the effects of divorce.
Here is Sandra’s post
Maintaining Wellness During and After Divorce
Navigating a divorce is stressful and unpredictable. Regular exercise and a healthy diet go a long way in managing our stress and making us feel a whole lot better in general. A grounding activity like yoga or Pilates is relaxing and helpful. Maintaining healthy habits and taking care of ourselves is vital during this uncertain time.
My Journey to be Well
Around the time that I separated in 2014, I read an article about staying healthy during divorce. I started a holistic health care regimen while I was going to graduate school. Just as that regimen helped alleviate the stress and pressure of school, it stood to reason, it would help alleviate the stress and pressure of the divorce process. That article certainly confirmed it, so I continued my health and wellness path, switching modalities as needed, based upon how I was feeling and what I needed at the time.
For example, when I first began my holistic journey, I adopted a daily meditation practice. That was fine-tuned later when I took a Spirituality in Leadership class in business school; then I started taking classes to learn Qigong, the meditation practice that goes with Tai chi. Now I do a simple 10-minute breathing/meditation exercise every morning and set my intention for the day. It doesn’t take a lot of time, but it is a very simple, grounding experience.
Exercise is key. I try to walk or use the elliptical every day, preferably in the morning, after my meditation exercise and before I start checking and getting involved in answering and sending emails. If I exercise first thing, then I’ve done it and don’t have to think about it for the rest of the day.
Get Yourself a Team
The rest of my wellness regimen is covered by my wellness support team. Much of the stress and unpredictability of your divorce can be alleviated from the beginning, if you put a wellness support team in place, and I highly advise it. The wellness team members are there in their expert capacity in each of their modalities to help you deal with the stress and intense emotion caused by the divorce.
My suggestion is to get referrals for all of these team members from people that you trust, family, friends or colleagues, and then interview each to make sure that the person is the right fit for you. It is important that you feel truly supported by each of your team members.
The Four Members of your Wellness Team
Therapist (LFMT, MFT)– Hopefully your divorce attorney or mediator has suggested that you start seeing a therapist; I am suggesting that you do. There will be a lot of emotion during the divorce process and a lot of diving deep into the whys and hows of your relationship. A therapist is the best person to work through all of that with you.
Massage Therapist- Massage is a great stress reliever. I started having regular massages about eight years ago and it has made a world of difference relieving stress during my divorce.
Acupuncturist and/or Chiropractor– Either or both of these practitioners helps relieve the stress that manifests itself in different parts of our bodies, most often our neck, shoulders and spine. We tend to tighten all of these when we are stressed and in “fight or flight mode”. Personally, I hadn’t been to either for 30 years because my first experience with both was not that great: huge needles at the acupuncturist and intense bone cracking at the chiropractor. I learned recently that there are acupuncturists who use little thin needles with great effect, and a chiropractor who uses less intense bone cracking techniques. I am now a huge fan of both and I receive treatments regularly. Both have done wonders helping me to achieve stress relief! Also, it is often possible to find practitioners who are also covered by health insurance.
Certified Coach – A certified coach plays a different role than a therapist. A coach is more like a mentor, a person with whom you discuss your goals and your plan for achieving them. In the process you explore your values and life purpose. A coach will guide you and help you to be accountable for what you say you want/are going to do. Together, you will create a vision of your reinvented life!
My wellness team told me they were pleased that I was being proactive and preventative in keeping myself healthy during this time in my divorce, instead of waiting to seek them out when the process was over and I was ill from the stress of it all. That, unfortunately, is what most of their patients did. I encourage you not to be MOST patients! I celebrate your continued path to health and well-being!
To learn more about navigating the transition of divorce, visit my website at http://www.sbhcoaching.com. You can also join my private Facebook group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LifeReinventedPrivateGroup
Sandra Hughes is a leadership coach for adults 40+going through significant transitions. She created Life Reinventedto help people navigate divorce. She has a CPCC designation from The Coaches Training Institute, and MBA from Santa Clara University. Sandra had a long corporate career before navigating her own divorce after 27 years of marriage. She is committed to helping people achieve integrated lives and finding the joy they deserve.
Thanks to Angel for suggesting I publish this post. Angel is involved in a project to promote home sharing. Check out the latest post about the importance of being able to stay in our own familiar homes as we age at Silvernest.
Maintaining Wellness & Adversity
Adversity takes many forms, divorce is perhaps one of the most emotionally draining that we might experience in the Western world, the death of a child, partner or parent are others. In other parts of the world, religious, political or racial persecution can be as, or more, challenging. These can have fatal consequences. I was fortunate to experience some of this and survive, my story is here. Maintaining wellness can be challenging when you don’t know how you are going to survive the next few days let alone the next 20 years. There is always something you can do. A daily walk, reading, phoning a friend are all small steps.
Whatever the cause, maintaining wellness is essential to rebuilding your life.
Leave a comment with your thoughts.
